We were friends. Nothing more. Just two kids from Jersey traveling abroad who happened to bump into each other by stereotypical mistake. His White European friends dared him to go and talk to that Black Brazilian girl sitting on the beach, who was really a Black American girl in disguise. After listening to his tired pick up line in American-accented Portuguese, I cut him off and bluntly asked him in English where he was from. But he was persistent and followed up by Skyping me that evening again extending his invitation.
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White guys ruin everything. Why wouldn't they ruin sex?
A subset of these men who have sex with men, or MSM, live lives that are, in all respects other than their occasional homosexual encounters, quite straight and traditionally masculine — they have wives and families, they embrace various masculine norms, and so on. They are able to, in effect, compartmentalize an aspect of their sex lives in a way that prevents it from blurring into or complicating their more public identities. Sociologists are quite interested in this phenomenon because it can tell us a lot about how humans interpret thorny questions of identity and sexual desire and cultural expectations. But not all straight MSM have gotten the same level of research attention. Silva sought to find out more about these men, so he recruited 19 from men-for-men casual-encounters boards on Craigslist and interviewed them, for about an hour and a half each, about their sexual habits, lives, and senses of identity. It provides them with their fundamental sense of self; it structures how they understand the world around them; and it influences how they codify sameness and difference. In some of the subcultures Ward studied, straight MSM were able to reinterpret homosexual identity as actually strengthening their heterosexual identities. One way they did so was by seeking out partners who were similar to them.
I never thought I would ever in my life write to you, yet here I am. Honest to God, I don't want to fall into stereotypes, but here is the thing: I am a well-educated, mature, Hispanic woman who went through a formal, committed relationship with a white American man. After six years of being kind, patient, and totally comprehensive of my man to react and feel motivated to have sex with me, I could count with my two hands the number of occasions we had sex. I would like to move on and meet another white American guy.
